If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t fit in – like everyone around you seems to have it all together and you’re on the outside looking in – I want you to know, you are not alone.
I totally get it. In spades.
I was always picked last for Red Rover, I got pelted with snowballs when I wore my NJROTC uniform at High School, and I was literally laughed off the gymnasium floor at tryouts by the head cheerleaders and, sad to say, by the coach herself.
I rode a unicycle and played the accordion and spent hours building Heathkits in the garage with my Dad.
Most of us spend years trying to mold ourselves into someone acceptable to the group. We think we’ll be happy if we are validated for being just like them when the truth is we can never be completely happy by denying who we really are.
When I was a young Naval Officer, this crusty, old submarine Captain looked down at me over his reading glasses one day and said,
“You need to get back in your box, young lady.”
Wow.
Really?
You’d think that would have been a clue I was not in an environment suited for my unique gifts and talents (most of which have nothing to do with following rules and regulations!)
Time to Get a Clue
You were not created to “fit in.”
No one in the history of humankind has ever been exactly like you, and no one ever will be. Even if you are a twin, your sibling has distinct differences from you and each of you were given separate gifts.
You are meant to stand out.
To grow up, and step up, and live up to the life God gave you.
The fear you feel for being judged by others means you are trying to be accepted by the wrong group. By people that want you to be someone else.
But that unique part of you – you know, the part you may have shut down early in life when someone laughed at your talents or interests or skills – that’s where the magic lies.
That’s where you’ll find the clues that will lead you to your greatest success.
Once you embrace your authenticity and discover you like making waves instead of blindly following someone else’s rules, you will leave everyone else in the dust.
You don’t need to get back in your box – you need to burn that box.
Refuse to be so obedient all the time, find your passion, and start taking charge of your own dreams.
Hear your own voice.
Trust your own voice.
And start listening to yourself now.
Don’t just change the rules, define them.
Your Turn
1. List ten things you loved to do earlier in your life. Put them in the order of which ones make you feel most alive, excited, giddy, or free.
2. Write one action step next to each of the top three – a step you can do this week that helps you begin to explore that activity once again.
3. In the comments section below, share one of your long-lost passions with me. Go ahead, dare to be judged – that fear means you’re on the right track!
Seriously, don’t you just want to laugh when you picture me on a unicycle? 🙂
I totally needed this today! Thank you!
You’re welcome, Carolyn – funny how often that happens, isn’t it 🙂
1. I dreamed to be a runway model wearing the latest fashions.
2. I dreamed to be a drummer in a band.
Jen – your dreams are a great clue that you like to perform, be on stage, or entertain. I hope you have found a way to be in the limelight somehow – maybe teaching, training, or acting?
Writer and speaker.
Thanks for writing this.
Hi Hutch – by the looks of your blog, you are fulfilling your dream – way to go! There’s just something different that moves in us when we are using our gifts, don’t you think? I never feel more in the flow than when I’m writing or speaking too 🙂
Hi Ann,
That was a very profitable exercise, making the list. I feel more confidant about what I’m doing with my life now. Looking back is more beneficial than I realized.
My number one pleasure is writing, my action step is to write more and leave some other things on the back burner. I’ll stay focused on my writing until I can realize a published book, and bring in some income via my website by increasing my traffic.
Thanks a bunch for an opportunity to tell you abou this.
Marlene
Oh Marlene, I’m so excited for you, thank you for sharing! You don’t have to want to be a writer – you already are one, you just need to keep writing! I believe building the habit of writing is the hardest part of the craft. Show up every day, focus on your frequency, and create something every day.
Ann,
Great article. As a father of two young boys (one of whom struggles to fit in at school) your article really stood out.
We often forget in life that we can define the rules – there is absolutely nothing wrong with living outside the box. As a (forgive me) Army Special Forces veteran, I often had to look around very hard just to FIND the box – to be nearer it – not IN IT.
God bless you, keep spreading the word.
Hi Scott,
Thank you for your kind comments. I feel for your son who struggles to fit in at school. I’m sure it seems overwhelming to him and there’s no way for him to know that it’s just 12 years and then he’ll be a grown up for decades. Those are the kind of kids that make fantastic adults, especially if they can hold on to who they really are and get in with other kids who share the same interests and feel part of something bigger than themselves. Meeting adults who’ve already traveled that path and came out winners is a great way for him to feel it’s possible for him too – there’s nothing more encouraging than hearing, “me too!”
I share your thoughts about the box – an Army Special Forces guy is probably more unusual than a female Naval Officer – like living in a fish bowl 🙂
God bless you too!
Ann
P.S. Thank you for your service. Oh, and…Go Navy! 🙂
Relating deeply.
Good to know, Ali – I think there are a lot of us living (quite happily!) out of the box 🙂
– Ann
Awesome article, Ann! As usual, I totally agree with you – it’s so important to forget totally about the box and create your own possibilities that are truthful to you.
So lucky to have such an inspiring friend – you lead through your own powerful journey, and that’s pretty terrific.