Your “people pleaser” persona is ripping you off.
You’ve been letting her get away with it for years because you don’t want to make a scene.
And every day you stifle your true voice is another day the bullies get to win.
Growing up, we allow ourselves to be shaped by those around us.
We take on identities we know will please our parents, teachers, coaches, and friends. But this robs us of stepping into our true gifts and using our distinct talents.
It’s time to shed the mask and speak your truth.
Being a people pleaser doesn’t make you nice or liked or accepted; it makes you “less than.”
It says you don’t trust others to deal with who you are.
It says your notion of popular outweighs your desire to grow up, and step up, and live up to this incredible life you were given.
It says you are more willing to let the bullies win than to step into your greatness.
It robs you and everyone else of the gift of experiencing your best self.
And that would be tragic.
I didn’t recognize myself.
Awhile back, I realized I’d morphed into some simpering collection of unfounded worries and pithy complaints that would make any people-pleaser proud.
And the more I stifled my true identity – the woman who enters a room with “you need to meet me” confidence – the more I choked on my own fear.
I was tired of dealing with this mealy-mouthed doppelganger who showed up and told me to play small.
She’s not welcome.
She doesn’t serve me or the women in business I was put here to help.
So I Stopped Listening to Her
The more willing I am to put myself out there, to let people in, to “admit” I am human – a rag-tag bag of mistakes, worries, dreams, hopes, plans, and habits AND an intelligent, competent, take-charge woman – the more I am able to see a brighter future and live a bigger story.
And that is the opposite of tragic.
Here’s What I Know
Your people-pleasing identity is ripping you off.
It isn’t serving you or anyone you were destined to impact because it doesn’t allow you to fully engage as a leader.
The only way to authentically connect with others is to let them in. Your true power lies in your willingness to be vulnerable.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation or a justification for your true identity.
What you do owe them is truth, kindness, and respect.
And, as an added bonus, your confidence is in direct proportion to your willingness to stuff your persona in a box and start speaking your truth.
Is it uncomfortable and frightening? You bet, but oh so liberating.
Just watch your confidence come blazing back when your ego returns and that will only happen when you get ticked off enough at the way your people-pleasing self has been ripping you off.
But I’m Scared
Join the club.
We’re all scared.
That’s why we’re all running around pretending to be someone else.
And truthfully, you’re right to be scared.
When you stop trying to live someone else’s life, you are definitely going to make some enemies. Some people will fight you on it because of how it affects them. Some people will openly criticize and ridicule you.
Some people will try to stuff you back in your box.
But if you know that’s coming, you can ease the transition by knowing there are other smart, collaborative, encouraging women leaders who will champion and adore the real you.
Not because you’ve pleased them, but because they (actually! genuinely! sincerely!) like, trust, respect, and admire you.
This isn’t high school anymore. You don’t need a clique to tell you who you are and how you should behave.
This is your life. Your one and only life.
Your one opportunity to take all your gifts, talents, and ideas, and marry them up with all your quirks, idiosyncrasies, facial tics, goofball dance moves, and bad driving habits into the unique and fiercely-made leader you were specifically created to be.
Don’t wait and don’t hold back.
The world is filled with same-old-same-old, people-pleasing, stick-figure personas.
We need you out here.
We need your badass self to tell your people-pleaser to take a hike. Please, I implore you, don’t cheat yourself out of all you were meant to be.
If you truly want to live a bigger story, you must own who you are.
Now is your time and today is your day.